Texture Uncertainties

Today was OT day (Occupational Therapy). In case you're wondering what the difference is between an Ot and a PT I'll explain. A Physical therapist works with gross motor skills: sitting, crawling, walking. The OT works with the more subtle area of the fine motor skills: grasping properly, eating, being able to put small things together and stacking blocks. I have learned much more about development through Ronan's OT. You always wait for the big milestones of crawling and walking but many parents don't sit and wait for their child to pull things out of containers right or clasp a tiny object perfectly. I truly observed the joy in the small milestones for the first time when Ronan was around four or five months old. His OT had been mentioning the importance of him grabbing his feet. The day he did he reached down and pulled his toes to his mouth his OT was just as thrilled as if he'd gotten up and walked out of the room.

On today's visit she greeted us with her usual smile and then excitedly said "I saw Ronan on the news!" I was happy because I thought the segment had shown him for just enough seconds that I knew it was him because I knew to look for him but apparently it had been longer than I remembered. My mom told me later she had had people coming up to her saying they had seen Ronan on the news as well. She sat down and Ronan grabbed her hands and pulled himself to stand. She looked down and smiled "Ronan you're getting so big and you're a star now! You looked so cute on tv." By this point I was pretty proud that people had recognized my son on tv.

Today his OT brought out different textures for him to play with. Ronan however is a cautious guy when it comes to new things. If he's in a new place he clings to me, if there is a new toy he'll slowly move his hand forward then quickly pull it back as though he's afraid it will bite him then finally he'll warm up and go ahead and play with it. He excitedly grasped and pulled the string of beads she brought because that was something she's always brought for him. Next she got some tissue paper out and he starred at and scooted back a little. Finally he squished it a little in his hands then he signed "all done" and wanted nothing more to do with it. He was a little more open to the pom pom she brought but he refused to remove it from the bowl. He would only play with it if she got it out for him.

Next activity was eating which is always his favorite. She showed me a new technique to make him do more of the work with eating but he wanted nothing to do with it. By the end of the visit he was fed and happy. As his OT went out the door she waved goodbye and said what she always says "You just amaze me, your house is always so nice and how you can manage all those kids." As she left and I shut the door and I smiled a little. If only she'd known I had three baskets full of laundry that I had stuffed into the laundry room closet right before she came or that I had laid a blanket nicely over the stack of paper work piled on top of filing cabinet that I have yet to go through. I guess one of the good things about all the home visits is I have to keep up the house and when I just can't I must be a good pretender.

By the time the visit was over it was time for lunch for everyone else and the naps. During naps I folded the above three baskets of laundry and worked on school. I really don't know where the rest of the day went because it's passed like a whirl wind even though I've been home for all of it. Something else that technically happened last night but after I wrote the blog was Isaac came back from an auction and had one last birthday present for Jadzia. He got her a big toy horse. She's wanted one for awhile. The first picture is her reaction to seeing the horse for the first time. The picture looks sort of funny because she was moving fast.

The Craziness Valium Brings.

Dental day greeted us bright and early this morning. I got myself ready and took care of the babies. I didn't get the big boys up until 15 minutes before we were leaving because I knew they'd be dismayed over not being able to eat breakfast. With my mom watching the other kids Isaac and I headed out the door with our two oldest. We arrived ten minutes early and the office door wasn't even unlocked yet. We waited in the hallway. I'm not sure what it is about the hallway ( It leads to many other businesses and offices) but it smells like a rain forest exhibit at the zoo.

The nurse saw us waiting and let us in a couple minutes early and they put Toy story 2 on for the boys in the theater room. I opened my world religions text book and began reading about Jainism. The nurse called Landon back and they administered his medicine. They told me it would kick in in about ten to fifteen minutes and that he could go back to watching the movie. I went back to skimming my text book. Halfway through the chapter I glanced over and saw Landon laying flat on the floor starring at the ceiling. I walked over and looked down at him "What are you doing?" I gave a half smile as I realized the Valium had officially found it's way into his system. "I can't move my legs." His speech was slurred a bit. I picked him up and laid him down on one of the benches and tucked his Jacket under his head.He then proceeded to cry over the fact he couldn't use his legs anymore. I explained to him that it would go away soon and he should just rest but he continued to cry a little. They then came and took Xander back for the medicine and brought him back only to take Landon back for the actual procedure. This was when things got ridiculous. Xander was sitting up doing fine when he suddenly started flailing his head back and forth. I got him to lay down but he kept insisting he could walk so Isaac put him on his lap.

Xander looked up at his dad and with very slurred speech goes " Ims going to a fwights yous dwaddy! Yous go to that side of the rooms." He flung his arm to one side and then the other as he continued" Then we'lls meets in the mwiddle and Bammm!! I will win because I'm Humongasaur!!!!" As quickly as he said that he turned his head to the side and said "Why are we all under water. I can't breath under water." And then he laughed hysterically. After another moment of insisting he could touch the nonexistent ceiling fan in the room he calmed down for a few minutes. After a short intermission he began spewing jokes and and at one point tried to remove his shirt.

This whole thing went on for about 45 minutes when the brought a still very weepy Landon out. The nurse carried Xander back and Landon burst into tears. " I'm never eating sweets again! No cookies, no cake, no nothing good!" His speech was slightly incoherent from the slight slur and the fact he had a cotton strip in his mouth to prevent him from severely biting his numb cheek. His dad then said " So I guess that means no more pizza either?" Landon's eyes went wide "Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!! Not my pizza!!!" I gently patted his head and told him to sleep. He then proceeded to tell me how mad he was at the dentist for sewing up the holes in his teeth.

From the office area I hear "Xander's mom" I transferred a distraught Landon to his dad and headed over. The dentist herself came out to talk to me. She began "Usually Valium does one of two things to kids. It makes them sleepy or very angry. Xander was really, really , really mad." So much for the silly, loopy boy we'd had in the waiting room. The dentist gave me home care instructions then we were reunited with a non-talking, scowling Xander. We headed out to the car, about halfway home Xander finally spoke. "Mom I let them know I wasn't going to have any of that!" I looked back at him " And how did that go for you?" With a slight pause he said"They gave me some anyway." He lowered his head and continued his scowl.

We stopped at the store to stock up on pudding, soup and anything soft they could eat. Ronan has given me great practice in coming up with ideas for soft foods. Taking thickened liquids out of the picture the boys were basically on the Ronan diet for the day. I got back and found out my mom had had an easy day. All three of the little ones slept for the most part. Jadzia was fever free but still had a head ache and slept the morning away. The babies had taken their usual morning naps. Lunch consisted mainly of applesauce and pudding. I tried to feed Jadzia a grilled cheese but she wanted to be included and ate exactly what the boys did. For the afternoon all three of the big kids crashed until four. I fixed soup for dinner and more pudding for dessert which they were surprisingly thrilled about.

By bed time they were all back to themselves and trying to use their usual methods to delay bedtime. But Mama won like she always does and they are all tucked nicely in their beds. All but Inara anyway. She's on my lap giving me her usual blog input.

A Unhappy Tummy

Every night between midnight and 1am (whenever I get done with the tasks of the day and get ready to head to bed) I check on all the kids make sure their beds are dry and no one has had an accident. I take Jadzia potty to ensure she's dry and doesn't have a soaked bed until morning. Last night or early this morning whatever perspective you want to take Jadzia had had an accident. I got her up cleaned her, changed her then sanitized her mattress and changed all her bedding as I normally do. As I was getting ready to put her back to bed I realized she felt unusually warm. I got the thermometer out and almost immediately the numbers climbed to 102.5.

I asked her if she had any ouchies (I've found this to be the best way to get her tell me where she is hurting). She rubbed her head and simply said "hurt" I dug out the Tylenol and was wondering whether this indicated a couch night. Isaac thought the Tylenol would work and she should go back to her bed. As I was putting her back she threw up everywhere. Ugg she had just gotten her flu shot did her getting that just cause this? That was the thought buzzing through my head as I torpedoed her to the bathroom. For the sake of anyone reading this I will not go into bathroom details but let's just say it was not pretty.

My first priority was taking care of her I got her washed and changed and sat her on the upstairs couch next to daddy. Then I set to work and got all the bedding, stuffed animals, towels ect.. in the wash and sanitized any and all surfaces that were involved. Things finally settled down and we were able to all get to bed. When Jadzia woke up the next morning she still had a 102.5 temp and didn't want her breakfast. She was also coughing now with a bad runny nose. She spent most of the day on the couch with a sippy cup of pedialyte.

Isaac took over the errands of the day for me. He took Inara and the big boys to the chiropractor. Where the chiropractor reported Inara's neck was a lot better and she didn't need to be seen for three weeks. Isaac also mailed some vital letters and made a store trip for Pedialyte. Jadzia and I cuddled up on the couch and read stories. Ronan was content playing on the floor which I was pleased about because I would have included him in the festivities but I was worried Jadzia might be contagious. He had at one point given up on me, gotten bored and below was the result. After Jadzia fell asleep I did get some Ronan time in.

The rest of the day was pretty low key. I made the phone calls I needed to make. I actually talked to the psychiatrist on the phone today and he sounded perfectly normal to me. Of course I talked to him for about five minutes so that probably doesn't count but from the way the lady talked I was expecting to notices oddities about him almost instantly. He scheduled Ronan's appointment for a week from tomorrow.

By the time bedtime rolled around Jadzia's fever was down to 100 and she was running away from me every time I tried to force Tylenol down her. She normally does ok taking meds but this was the first time we had generic. You see last time I went to buy some Isaac had come along. He was browsing all the meds. He picked up the name brand and generic and said "Look, honey. The generic and name brand have the same exact active ingredients and the generic is four dollars less." I glanced "Hmm.. I guess you're right." We went with generic never pondering the possibility there may be a taste difference. Now after attempting to tackle my three year old every time she needed the Tylenol I'm starting to think that four dollars might have been a better investment than we had thought.

With the fever decline and the fact she was doing ballerina twirls at bedtime prayers I think this is a good sign she's on the mend. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. It is dental work day. This will take at least two hours so I'm bring class work along. I'll be out in the waiting room the whole time so I should hopefully get a lot done.

A check up and resisting a label

After finishing Landon's school this morning I spent the rest of the morning trying to determine how I was supposed to compose my child observation paper. I have five children to choose from and I'm stumped as to which to pick. It's almost as though I feel like I'm being unfair to the other four children by not immortalizing their current development in a paper that will be read only by my professor. Even though I realize this reasoning is ridiculous I decided to determine some other way to choose which child. I asked Isaac. He told me to pick Landon because he's the oldest and can talk a lot more and I would get more information to ensure I had the required paper length.

I attempted to do the experiments of conservation where you show a child two glasses with the same amount of water in them. The child agrees they have the same amount then you pour one of the glasses into a tall thin glass so there is still the same amount of liquid. Then you ask the child which glass has more liquid. A child under the age of seven should not understand the law of conservation and should say that the tall thin one has more liquid. I tried this on Landon since he's five he should have said the taller one but he said "They have the same amount because you poured all the liquid from one glass and they were both the same." He did the same thing with the other two experiments and did not respond as he should for his development and the paper wants me to illustrate how a child under seven does not understand the law of conservation so now I'm back to square one of child picking.

I'm leaning towards Jadzia since she is smack in the middle. I think she's at the age that I can demonstrate all the levels of development I need to for the paper. After lunch it was time to take Jadzia to her 3 year check up. Her weight is back up to where it should for her age much better than last year. She has really improved health wise and passed her check up completely. The nurse will call me with the time for her kidney ultrasound. She got her flu shot today and instead of the regular crying as I expected she held her breath and turned sky blue. After picking her up really quick she snapped out of it and there was just a few tears. The tears were soon dried when the nurse returned with three Strawberry shortcake stickers. She had to show everyone all the way out the office her stickers.

Our next stop before home was the pharmacy to pick up the Valium for the boys dental work. They said it would be a half an hour. The dollar store was right next store so I took Jadzia over there to get a couple prizes with the spare change I had. She picked out a princess drink bottle and a little toy princess. A half an hour had passed so we headed back to the pharmacy and they still didn't have it ready so we waited and kept checking. We waited about an hour and half total. I was just about thinking Jadzia was going to tear the store apart from boredom when they called "Fullmer to Pharmacy at your convenience." I had the brief thought that my convience was well over an hour ago but decided to not vent my frustrations to the understaffed pharmacy workers.

We made it home in time for dinner. After dinner I worked with Ronan on his exercises and tried to focus on getting him to walk. He is very close but he has a confidence issue. He's fallen a few times and now he's nervous about attempting to take steps without holding my hand. I then found out Ronan was on a two month waiting list until he will be accepted for his waiver through a case agency. I find it funny how mixed I feel about something I've waited for since he was born. We are so close and I thought I would be more thrilled. I guess it's the next step that has me feeling anxious and almost sad. See the waiver is a very valuable tool it offers many resources for Ronan and it will always assure he has medical care no matter what circumstances we will not have to worry about Down Syndrome or all his other slew of health issues being deemed a preexisting condition if we ever need to switch insurance.

This will be a huge peace of mind knowing medically my boy will be taken care of. But there's just one thing that comes along with it that makes me feel like the worse mother in the world and is taking me to places I really don't want to go. Honestly it's hard to be honest about this and as I'm writing this I feel like smacking myself for considering this whole thing. He has to be deemed Intellectually disabled to get the waiver. They will test his IQ but that's not the only factor considered. His hearing delays may be enough for him to qualify. I really really do not want that label on my son especially since people will take one look at his face and assume it already. I want him to be seen as the Ronan who greets me every morning with a kiss and a smile, and the Ronan who is smart enough to figure hundreds of ways to get out of his physical therapy, and the Ronan who loves the color green and has a fascination with puppies. I want them to see my Ronan, the little boy with great strength and loves beyond what most people ever will.

So here goes the mom debate do I assure he's covered medically through the waiver and have the "experts" label my son or do I let my pride get in the way and miss out on a valuable resource that will allow my son the medical protection he truly needs. For this evaluation he has to meet with a psychologist who will ask me a series of questions as well as test him in various games, mainly watching him play. I've been told this psychologist that gives the evaluation is very quirky, that was the word used by the lady who gave me his number. She said "if his personality overwhelms you let me know and I'll try to find someone else". As odd as it may be I am now more intrigued than scared to meet this guy.

After all this rolling around in my head Isaac was nice enough to stay with the kids so I could try out the gym membership I had won. I went into the movie screen part of the gym. I walked on the treadmill and kept increasing the speed until I hit where I was content. I now think I found an outlet for stress. Being out and walking briskly on this treadmill the more I poured over all my worries and prayed I felt a lot of stress just fall off and I came home very happy and refreshed. I'm starting to realize I need to exercise more for the simple reason it helps me feel energized and keeps depression at bay.

Daddy Daughter Date

Today was pretty much your average Sunday. I did scramble to get some class work done that was due. I'm glad that the online professors give me until Sunday night to complete the week's work because otherwise I'm not sure I could complete it all. I have taken on another project. On my bucket list is to write a book. I have long had this goal and have started many stories but I'm determined I'm going to finish a book. It's just something I have to do for myself. I don't care if anyone ever wants to read it I must write it (although having readers would be nice). The book is going to be about the last two-three years give or take.

I have words and emotions I need to get out and the best outlet for myself has always been through writing. I have no idea when the book will be done, maybe a few months or even a couple of years but I'm determined to complete it and I'm posting this goal on here to keep myself accountable.Besides promising myself to complete my book and finish school work today was pretty easy going days as most Sundays. Isaac took Jadzia out on a daddy daughter date. She had a ten dollar gift certificate to Build a bear and she picked out a Hello Kitty chair for her stuffed animals. They also got some ice cream which also ended up being her lunch. I told myself one meal won't hurt her and Father daughter bonding is more important than my worries over one meal.
My Landon got back yesterday and I just realized how tall he's getting. I wanted to cry. My mother in-law bought him clothes from the big boy section! Gone are the days of shopping in the baby/toddler section for him. Somewhere between all the diaper changes, bedtime stories, race car adventures my baby became a boy. How does childhood fade so quickly? Yes, I know he's five and we have many summers before college but it just seems like I was yesterday rocking him to sleep as I am Inara now.

We did have a disaster before bed. Jadzia's lalaloopsy doll was MIA. We looked everwhere and inevitably I had to send her to bed in tears. I hated it and she kept crying "Lalaloopy went back to Loopy land!" I thought this was pretty funny and cute but I felt bad for her. After she went to bed and the house was organized for tomorrow's PT visit Lalaloopsy was found hidden in a backpack behind the computer desk. She is now sitting on the couch for Jadzia to see the moment she comes downstairs in the morning.

Next week is already here. Jadzia has her three year old check-up tomorrow. She'll have her yearly kidney ultrasound scheduled. This year we should know for sure which way her kidney issues are going to lean. The right kidney will have either matched its growth with the left, The right will have stayed the same (meaning it will never grow), or it will have gotten smaller which is worst case. She's doing awesome now you'd never know she was once a frail little girl so I'm expecting good results. On Wednesday the boys will have their dental work done. I have to have my mom watch the three little ones because I have to take Isaac with me because both boys will be very drugged. Besides three therapist visits there is nothing else going on this week so hopefully this will be a much easier week.

Z is Three!

I still remember my 20 week ultrasound with Jadzia. I had two beautiful boys and boys ran on my husband's side of the family. I was total prepared to be told I was having a third and we'd continue to have a house full of rough and tough boys. In my heart I felt she was a girl but I wasn't sure if that's because I knew or because at some point I really wanted to have a daughter whether it was this baby or in the future. I remember when the tech said "Yep, that looks like a little girl." I cried I was going to have a baby daughter. I don't remember much else from the ultrasound other than she looked perfect and I couldn't wait to get home and tell Isaac. Four ultrasounds later and Isaac still refused to believe she was going to be a girl. He had expected us to have all boys.

The day she was born I took the boys to the dentist while I was in labor. I told the dental assistant that I had just come from the doctor and I was 4cm dialated and the doctor said I wouldn't make it to the weekend. I must have traumatized the assistant because she's never forgotten it. We went to the mall after that and Isaac bought me a smoothie because I was feeling anxious and he thought one of my favorite treats would help calm me. We got home and he made a comment about something that was not hurtful in any way (I don't remember what it was) and I started crying. That's when he suggested we head to the hospital. I told him I wasn't in any pain just felt anxious and upset. He insisted anyway. We got to the hospital and I was a 7 and still no pain. Jadzia has been my only pain free labor. I wish I had known why because I would have mimicked it in the future. Her birth was truly peaceful.

After about two hours of labor Jadzia made her debut into the world and immediately announced herself to be the princess and this has not changed since. We are to blame because Jadzia means princess. Her middle name is Aishwarya it is Indian (The country not Native American) and a name my husband dearly loves. He wanted it as a first name but I thought it would be way too confusing so we compromised and used it for her middle name. Aishwarya means prosprous so she is our prosperous princess.Now three years have passed since the day I became the mother of a daughter. She is more beautiful each passing day. She brings me joy through her hugs and makes me laugh when she replaces "yes" with "Yet". She used to say "Right" for yes so she is getting closer. Today we celebrated with a princess party. She had a crown and a new princess outfit. We had pizza for the meal and her cake was a castle with six princesses on it.

She opened her presents next. She got five Barbie dolls (two were given early), barbie clothes, dress up shows, play jewelry, a play phone with lip gloss, a Tinkerbell jacket and skirt, a unicorn pillow pet, and she had received her Frog and Lalaloopsy doll a bit earlier. We finished the party off by watching the new Tinkerbell movie.This evening Isaac and I got out a little bit to hear a friend's uncle's band play. We were only out a couple of hours but it was nice to have time to ourselves and it doubled as our weekly date. We're going to watch a movie here at home now so that's all for now.
Here is the link to Jadzia's montage I made a few months back. It's from birth to about two and a half.

A Day out forJadzia

I'm sitting home alone with just my two littlest babies for company. I know you're probably wondering how I've managed to find myself here. The answer is my family has dispersed themselves to several different locations. Landon is still with Grandpa and Grandma Fullmer, Xander and Jadzia went with my parents to my brother's, and Isaac went out to a movie Inara has what I believe to be either allergies or the start of a cold so I've been keeping her home just in case.

Early this morning I took Jadzia and Ronan to Ronan's audiology appointment. His ear molds now fit securely again. Jadzia enjoyed the trip because she got a Minnie mouse stamp on her hand for being good during the appointment. After the appointment I did a photo shoot of Jadzia since she's turning three.

After lunch Jadzia and I left to spend the 20 free tokens she'd received from the Chuck E Cheese birthday club. She had fun playing games and riding the kiddy rides. She got a little make up case, yellow sunglasses and two bracelets. After she burned through all her tokens we left for Wal-Mart to pick up the rest of her birthday items including her cake. I got her a princess crown to go with her party theme and also a Tinkerbell balloon. The Tinkerbell balloon popped shortly after we arrived home so now she has no big balloons for tomorrow. We also rented the Frog Princess and the new Tinkerbell movie. I'm going to let her stay up and watch one tonight after she gets back then we'll watch the other one for her party.

Boys in the News

Today marks a month since I started this blog. This leaves me a mere 11 months to go but I have kept it up this far and haven't missed a day. I have quite honestly surprised myself. I'm known to start projects and then leave them unfinished. I have started writing dozens of books only to lose interest with the subject or hit writers block and off I go onto the next big thing. I am however reminding myself we are only a month into this thing and I could still clearly depart with this quest but I'm already enjoying looking back at what we've done each day. I know I will cherish this blog if I can just keep plowing ahead.

Now onto the days events. Nothing much exciting took place. We organized clothes in the morning and Xander and Jadzia were huge helpers. They brought me hangers and put clothes away. We built a fort out of blankets and stuffed animals and Xander carpeted the entire living room with different types of pillows. I finally got a call from Ronan's audiologist they were booked with appointments until late October which would be basically be pointless for the new ear molds and also another month of his hearing aides falling out constantly. They found us an appointment with her assistant for tomorrow and I was grateful.

After afternoon naps we turned on the television waiting for the Gigi's news story to air. We had been told it would be on at 5, 6 or 10 and no one knew which. During the 5 o'clock news they showed a preview that it would be on at 6:00. Right as the 6 :00 news began the weather got bad and caused the satellite to lose its signal. I was starting to get disappointed when it turned back on just as the story was airing. Ronan was on there for about three seconds and even Xander made the ending clip. I will post the link as soon as it becomes available online. I was hoping it would already be posted so I could put it in this blog but so far no luck. The funny part was as soon as the story was over the satellite went out again. It was as though it worked just so we wouldn't miss the story.

Isaac was gracious enough to watch the kids so I could go shopping with my mama. We both got our weekly groceries and also took our time looking around the store. Yes, it was Wal-Mart but I don't get out much so I enjoyed myself. It poured rain and we were soaked going back to our car but we made it back in one piece.

Lalaloopsy

Today is the last technical day of Summer but it felt more like Fall had begun due to the down pour of rain. Wednesday is Ronan's PT day. He showed how he felt about the whole thing during the middle of his session he turned around and crawled out of the room. His PT was just thrilled to have him crawling. Once we got home we decided to go get Jadzia's birthday present from her great grandparents. They got her a Princess Jewel Lalaloopsy "(Bitty Buttons) doll which is something she's been wanting for a long time.

She was very excited to have her doll and she carried it everywhere today. She dubbed the doll "Happy Doll". We went over to my brother's new house for lunch. The kids had been wanting to play in the wooden fort they have out back but because of the rain we had to stay inside. The kids played for awhile. We had some yummy cake and then headed home. Isaac was tearing apart the garage when we arrived to get all our extra things ready to take to auction tomorrow. We have done a basic clean sweep of all our excess. Isaac found more children's clothes for me to go through, sort and sell. This activity took up most of the rest of the day. The kids played outside while we sorted and loaded.

I want to have it all done before the weekend but I'm not sure that will be accomplished. There aren't anymore appointments this week so I can at least give it a good shot. Inara sat in a bumbo for the first time today. I was a little leery since she had just turned three months but I was curious so I carefully put her in and held her head for a bit but she popped her head right up and sat like a pro. Still worried I snapped a quick picture and took her out of it but I was surprised see how well she could sit in it. I think I'm going to put it away until she is officially four months just to be safe.

Landon is having a good time at Grandma's. His Grandmother informed me that when his Grandpa inquired as to whether Landon wanted to go home tomorrow Landon replied with a "I'll leave when I'm ready to go to college." He got to pick out a pumpkin and had fun playing outside with a puppy who also terrorized him. I'm glad he's having a good time and I know having the fun and attention is good for him but I sure miss him. I'll have my boy back on Saturday and I know he'll have great stories to tell and will have made some wonderful memories.