And There I Stood

I began my career in public speaking today with an impromptu speech to over thirty people. This "career" however may only consist of this one speech. I received an e-mail yesterday stating they needed children at the open play at Gigi's tomorrow because 22 students from Faith Baptist Bible college were coming out to play with and observe the children. Many of the kids were in school so anyone who could make it would be great. I talked to Isaac and he agreed it would be fine for me to take him. I made a quick reply to the email telling them I would love to come and that I had attended Faith in the past.This morning I was running a little late but we made it about ten minutes into the open play. There were about six parents but only one other child with Down Syndrome was there. One of the parents was talking to the students and their teacher. Another mom had just given a speech about her son at a special needs conference and still had her notes so she got up and spoke to the students. After she got done they noticed me holding Ronan in the back.

"Angela! Why don't you come up and talk about Ronan's story. Ronan is the youngest here and you can kind of give a new parents perspective." I didn't even think I just stepped in front of the group and laid Ronan at my feet to play. And There I stood. All these college students, their teacher, and the other parents were looking at me expectantly. That's when it occurred to me. What am I going to say? The e-mail had stated the goal of having the students at Gigi's was to show these students how wonderful children with Down Syndrome are and to help them learn tips on how to teach our children. For a moment I felt this huge obligation of saying something overly inspiring that would leave these students with a warm and fuzzy feeling towards all children with Down Syndrome. Nothing too inspiring surfaced.

So I just started from the beginning. I told them how I had been called to the NICU and told Ronan had Down Syndrome, Esophageal Atresia and a hole in his heart. I told them how I broke down in front of all the doctors and nurses and how Isaac took it a lot better than I did. Realizing they were all Faith students I decided to tell them a spiritual experience I had. Ronan had just gotten out of the NICU and I was sitting in a waiting room.

Here was this little two month baby on six different medications, a hole in his heart, a recently repaired esophagus that left him with eating issues and breathing difficulties. I was sitting in the waiting room on the verge of tears and I prayed "God I think you got the wrong mother for the job. I'm going to mess this up somehow. What if I forget a medication or don't mix his formula to the right consistency and he gets pneumonia? I just don't know if I can do this." As I was thinking all this and talking to God. A woman got up and sat next to me. She starred intently at Ronan and said "If you don't mind me asking does your baby have Down Syndrome?" At the time I was shocked why would she ask me this?

She saw the look on my face and continued. "I have a son with Down Syndrome." She showed me her son's picture and told me his story. He was three and she told me how he was coming through his health issues. I left that doctor's office refreshed. At the exact moments I was doubting myself and the future. God had brought that lady to tell me I've been down this road longer and you know what it's going to be ok.

I went on to tell the students about how it's the little things with Ronan that have brought me the greatest joy. The first time he grabbed his feet, the first time he gave me a kiss and the thrill I get each time his OT and PT get excited at his accomplishments. I told them if as you become teachers can learn to love the small things and see them as huge and wonderful then you will find the beauty and joy in working with special needs children.

With that my speech was over and I realized my heart was pounding in hopes that I had been able to articulate my message clearly enough. We left and I went on with the rest of the day: laundry, dishes and I have to get groceries later tonight. All the normal that must be done. I'm not really sure I will ever truly be a public speaker and I don't know if I'll ever give another speech after today but I was glad I was able to share a fraction of my journey with Ronan with young men and woman who may someday be teaching children with Down Syndrome.