Mommy Meltdown

Sweet, smooth, delicious; adjectives that all pertain to chocolate (an indulgence I partook of today). I'm not for emotional eating and I especially don't advocate for it. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do and today that was for me to eat chocolate. I found myself locked in my bedroom sitting back on the couch breathing deeply and there it sat. My husband's "secret stash of chocolate bars. That's when it hit I must have one and somehow I can make it through this mommy meltdown.

The events that lead up to the mommy meltdown were small in magnitude but many in amount. Bright and early I was up and trying to make sure the house looked extra clean for the therapist that was coming mid morning. The house was looking good and vacuuming was all that was needed to top it all off.

As I began vacuuming an obnoxious sound made it's way from the vacuum. That's never a good sign. As I reached to shut the whole thing off an obnoxious smell wafted it's way to my nose. I was all too familiar with the burning the belt with too large of an object smell. I hit the switch and turned the vacuum over. A cloth wipe? How had I not seen a cloth wipe? I untangled the wipe from the bottom which was hot and burnt. Now the entire living room smelt as though we'd just lit a bonfire. I glanced at the clock only 15 minutes and the therapist would arrive and my mind ran quickly through how to eliminate the odor so the therapist wouldn't be afraid that she was walking into a burning building.

Many candles and fabreeze later the smell was starting to diminish. Ten minutes to go. Shoes. Ronan had to have his shoes and braces on for the therapist. I went to their usual location and they were missing. I searched the vicinity and they were no where. I felt the urgency to tear the house apart looking but I realized that would be counter productive. I asked the kids and they all claimed they did not know where they were. Ding dong. I let her in and the session went ok. His teacher was the one who arrived and not his therapist. After she left I was getting Jadzia clothes and I looked in the corner and sitting on Xander's favorite stuffed dragon were Ronan's shoes.

Phone call time. I had no appointments today in person anyway. I had a lot of phone negotiating to do. One rule of mommyhood when you are distracted your kids know it and they will somehow try and take advantage of that. First phone call to discuss why three different doctors want Ronan on three different doses of reflux medication. No one can come to an agreement. Isaac being logical decided we gather the facts from each and calculate all their reasoning and then decide what we think is best and who we should follow in this case and then tell all three of them what we are doing and why. Me I'm more emotional and worry I will mess him up if I make the wrong choice.

The first phone call went ok. Second phone call to try and arrange all the appointments so they will fit together well. "What's the name of the doctor?" The lady asked. I should know this. I tried to think quickly Lozier? wait no that's his heart doctor, Auron no that's kidney. Sheets is pulmologist, Sieler is Endocrinology. I couldn't for the life of me remember his sleep doctor's name. "I don't really know." I admitted sheepishly to the lady. A bit annoyed she added "Well do you know your son's birth date." A very sarcastic remark surfaced in my mind but I pushed it back down and told her Ronan's birth date.

The next phone call was to the sleep center to discuss the fact Ronan no longer wanted to wear his CPAP and this is when it all went down. "Please Hold." was the only response I got when the receptionist answered the phone. Jadzia ran out of the bathroom. "I need a hairbrush!!!" and she attached herself to my leg. Xander was looking at the fridge. "Mommy I need a drink!" Inara started bawling and I knew she wanted held because she is in the only mommy holding me will suffice stage.

Ronan crawled into the kitchen and began hitting his food cupboard and falling apart because I wasn't coming to feed him. Landon decided he would use this opportunity to leap from sofa to sofa ( an activity he absolutely knows is off limits). "You are not a monkey!" I said sternly. "Excuse me?" That voice was coming from the phone. The lady had chosen that moment to take me off hold.

I tried to explain what was going on while children screamed in the background. I ran into the bathroom shut the door and pushed my back firmly against the door. As quickly as possible I finished up the conversation and then I dealt with the tornado swirling around my living room and kitchen. Jadzia had found the large bag of m&ms hidden in the top cupboard and had opened them by ripping the bag from top to bottom and I had m&ms all over the kitchen floor.

I cleaned up the m&ms and made Jadzia assist. I then turned my attention to feeding Ronan while I strapped a distressed Inara in my moby wrap and could be hands free while still helping her feel secure. I always give Ronan his medications at lunch time but as I looked in the cupboard, his thyroid medication was missing. I pushed things out of the way but no medicine. Panic began to set in. Had one of the kids somehow found it? It's childproof and placed extremely high up but you never know. After a tearful search and a half an hour later I remembered I had moved it to the locked cabinet so it would be more secure.

I'm not sure why but the final straw was the lego confetti. As I came back downstairs from putting laundry away I found my children celebrating with legos as though it was confetti. There were legos everywhere and the house was in great disorder. I needed to breathe and I need to do so now. I needed to have a temper tantrum and not in the presence of my children. I calmly gave the older three a snack with strict orders to remain at the table. I put Inara in her jumparoo and Ronan in his play pen with a few toys. I went upstairs and there I sat telling myself to breathe. Then came the chocolate. I gave myself a quick pep talk and said a prayer and with the strength of chocolate surging through my veins I emerged from the room in much better spirits.

As I turned the corner of the stairs there stood Jadzia drenched from head to toe in milk. I accepted this was not my day and lead Jadzia to the bathroom.